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   Now Three was written Two years ago. In case you are wondering what happened to the three here is an update. Doug fell deep into a Vicadin hole, due to his need for a root canal. We are still on good terms but never see each other. Mathew and I had a total of maybe three dates before we decided we made better friends. We really hung out a lot for a while. He recently also had a problem and I really need to check on him and see how he is doing. Barry, oh Barry is a whole other story. So here we go, this is how I meet Tom and ended the relationship with Barry.

    It’s May 25th 2000; Today is my friend Yoko’s birthday. Years ago Yoko and I used to sleep together. Just sleep, we shared a twin size bed. Luckily we are both small. My mom is still wondering why she doesn’t have half Asian grandchildren.

    I’ve been dating Barry for about a month. I really like him a lot he fun, nice and very romantic. I’ve been having so much fun with Barry that I have stopped seeing everyone else. I have not told Barry this; He has been a little push with the relationship trying to make it move faster than I am ready for. Some people may want that “we met, fell in love, and got married all in one month,” but not me. I like to take it slow so I can figure out if it’s really right.  Tonight we are going to go to Zeitgeist a biker bar for Yoko’s birthday party. Unfortunately we arrive on time and we don’t know anyone there. Yoko arrives about twenty minutes latter.

    At one point I need to go to the bathroom and end up waiting in line with Yoko. She informs me that her friend Tom thinks I am HOT. That’s nice I think. Latte Yoko introduces Barry and I to Tom. Toms is really cute, he has a shaved head, goatee, and buddy holly glasses. Barry Tom and I have lots of fun talking, the party has finally gotten fun.    
    Barry leaves to the bathroom and Tom makes his move. He tells me that he is attracted to me and would like to go out on a date. I tell him how I am out on one with someone else right now.  
Tom suggests that he gives us both a ride home and drops Barry off first.  I can’t believe it when I hear “sure” come out of my mouth. Just so you know this is pretty much the end of my four-month slut faze.

    When we decide to leave. We all go out to Toms little Festiva. He drops Barry off and then drops me off... After a few nice kisses and I give him my business card. When I get to work the next day I have an email from Tom that says:

All I can say is YUM-lets get together tonight? My # is 643-XXXX

 I have been dating Tom for two years now. I am no longer dating Barry or anyone else. So why am I not dating Barry anymore? Did he find out about Tom and get upset? Is he a serial killer from Canada who will kill Gianni Versace? All Great questions are eventually answered even on the X-Files. So back to the story.

    I was enjoying dating both Tom and Barry. But dark times were ahead. Barry really began trying to will the relationship forward at a tremendous pace. Remember how I said I like to take things slow. Love is not a word I throw around; I hold it in until I’m sure, because I will never take it back. It really upset Barry greatly that I would not tell him that I loved him after we had been dating for TWO whole months!!! This more than any other reason is why the relationship only lasted three. Barry started to have fight with me all the time about the “L” word. Once even while I was on a date with Tom.

    I had gone to Pride one day with Barry and was going the next day with Tom. Tom and I were running around with our friend Jay and who used to be Doug’s best friend (long story- don’t ask.) I had left my ubber cool sunglasses in a bar and decided to head back for them. On my way back from not finding them I ran into Barry who let me have it all over the place in the middle of the street for about 20 minutes. I’m not sure what he wanted out of the encounter but what he got was probably not what he was aiming for. By the end of the week it was completely over. I had made it through without having my bunny boiled... Oh wait I’ don’t have a bunny. You get the Idea. He really did turn psycho. Afterwards he had said he wanted to remain friends and so I tried, but too many times I would be met with Bi-Polar Emotion Barrage. One day he would be happy to see me the next he would ignore me and talk to the people behind me about what an evil heart breaking person I was. This went on for over eight months.   If I remember correctly it should take half the amount of time you put into the relationship to get over it... Not three times as long! And no, he did not kill Gianni Versace.

    I do really feel bad for Barry, he really is a nice guy and I did have a lot of fun with him. He just scared me a little. After my relationship with Randy I really did not to be with anyone who was very controlling. Lucky for me I found Tom. We have now been together for over Two years, living together for five months and have managed to keep all of our fight to be over silly things like cars and porn!

Next up 911


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 29th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)
I love your stories. They make me smile.


Oct. 5th, 2005 09:48 am (UTC)
So that's how you met Tom!

It's a terrible thing to be dating someone and be mismatched emotionally. Being pressured into saying "I love you"...well, I know a lot about that, and it is awful. Those words mean too much to just use without meaning them, because they give hope, and joy, and are as close to a promise as one can ever make (you know how I feel about promises!). I'm sorry to hear that what could have been a regular friendship with Barry turned into this emotional attack on your person, and delighted that you had the good sense to go with Tom, and live an altogether healthier path.
Oct. 5th, 2005 05:15 pm (UTC)
It's funny, we sort of... Barry really made me feel like I was a bad person. It took me a long time to really accept that I hadn't done anything wrong. I had never lied to him. I had never done anything with the intent of hurting him. I cannot say the same of him, but I don't think he is a bad person. He just behaved badly.
Oct. 5th, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
This gets back to what both of us said about choosing our own suffering. He didn't need to suffer, because he could have just listened. You were up front and clear about what you were prepared to offer Barry. Barry wanted more, and blamed you for not offering more. You offered the joy you could give, but he chose and created his own suffering by insisting that you MUST offer more.

Being loved by someone does not obligate us to love them back. As you know now, you did nothing wrong. He did behave badly, and showed a horrible side of his character and emotions. Love can't be demanded: it is either there or it isn't.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )