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know your strengths and weaknesses.

I am a monkey in control of his emotions. They are one of the few things that I feel I have total control over. Sometimes I think people think I am strange because it take me so long to react to very emotional things. I just need time to think about the situation and how I would like to choose to react to it. People don't make me angry. No one makes me happy. I choose to be angry at someone I choose to be happy when I'm with someone. It allows me to be very stable, very centered, very Vulcan. I do choose to feel the whole gamut of emotions though. I really enjoy feeling sad. If you don't feel the lows you can't really enjoy the highs. Sometimes there is nothing better than listening to a bunch of depressing music, letting your heart pound as your mind tells you they where writing this for me. The Cure, Depeche Mode, The Smiths; They all were making their music for me. It's really fun to sit on the pity pot, just not for too long, your butt will get sore. I usually choose to be happy.

I've notice so many people around me totally controlled by there emotions. My boyfriend Tom is completely controlled by his emotions. He seems to let things anger him that are... Trivial. This comment alone would cause upset. I once watched him lose it because there was no paper in the printer. He doesn't deal with stress very well and tends to freak out when stress begins to build. Tom however is very confident, that is my weakness that I have almost no control over. I'm getting much better with Tom's help. I much braver than I was a few years ago. My Ex, Randy really fucked me up in the confidence department and I have yet to recover to the level I used to have.

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Feb. 28th, 2003 10:39 pm (UTC)
I wish I had control over my emotions. I know how I *should* feel or think, but it never comes out that way. I guess I have been fucked over by an ex as well. [Sigh]

Nice LJ tho ...
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )