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Time makes me lucky. I’m sure most people in my shoes would see think themselves very unlucky but when I look back at if the timing had changed by a few days it would have been devastating. I told many people the last two weeks that the best thing that could have happened to me was being laid off. It freed me up to spend a few days with my kitty John before having to take him to the vet for the very last time. It allowed me to jump on a plane at a moments notice to visit my mom in the hospital. It allowed me to stay as long as I needed, as long as I was needed. It allowed me to hold my moms hand and remind her of all the fun we had and what a great mom she had always been. It allowed me to listen to her stories from when she was a little girl. It allowed me hold her hand and say goodbye.

If they hadn’t laid me off. If they had laid off the other tech. I would have been torn by duty and fear of losing my job. I may have hesitated. If John hadn’t worsened I may have had to choose between him or my mom. Tom would have had to stay in SF to care for him. If I wasn’t in the room with my mom when she died my dad wouldn’t have been in the room either. He was terrified to be in the room with her. He was traumatized to see his wife of 44 years on a ventilator and the decision to remove it crushed him. After she passed he was glad he decided to stay in the room with us, rehashing happy times. If I hadn’t been laid off I would have had to rush back to work and left my dad to deal with all the things that needed to be taken care of instead of taking care of it for him. My brother through all of this was useless. He couldn’t cope so he drank. He got all of us sick because coughed all over the place and spread his germs everywhere. I’m really glad I was able to be there for my dad, I’m glad he at least had someone who helped him through this and tried to keep him from having regrets.

I’m lucky I had the greatest mom in the whole world for almost 35 years. Most of my friends who have meet my mom agree she was an unbelievably precious and gentile soul. She may not have understood sarcasm or mean spirited comedy but she cornered the market of understanding kindness, love and acceptance. How many people can say they grew up in a non-broken home? And how many of those can say they had a mom as great as mine was?

Is she twiggy? Nope, Just my mom on her honeymoon in San Francisco.

I fix computers, my brother fixes cars, my dad fixed printers and cash registers... my mom fixed people.



( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 4th, 2009 07:20 pm (UTC)
I am glad you found strength to get through so much loss in such a short time.

Wishing you peace,

Apr. 4th, 2009 07:53 pm (UTC)
our condolences,
we're sorry you lost your mom, cat and job.

we're VERY glad you got to say goodby to both your mother and pet.

your mom was beautiful.

we hope you get through it ok.
you seem to have a very good attatude which helps and you have tom as well.

we hope when you feel like getting back into it you find a job you like.

Apr. 4th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC)
As someone who at this very moment is sitting in an airport, waiting to return to SF after burying a parent, I can tell you I know exactly how you feel.

Be well :)
Apr. 4th, 2009 08:26 pm (UTC)
It is such a privilege to have met you, Monkey. Your mother did a good job. I'm sorry for your loss, though no one truly ends.
Apr. 4th, 2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
Your mom was a total Betty, and life works in funny funny ways. You needed to be there, so it worked out that you could be without regret or fear or anything other than being there for her.

My condolences for the great loss, but so happy for you having the great memories.
Apr. 4th, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC)
Very sorry to read your news, but glad to hear things worked out in a way that you were able to be with her.

Hope things start to improve soon.
Apr. 5th, 2009 02:48 am (UTC)
She's beautiful. I'm very sorry for your loss. All of them.
Apr. 5th, 2009 06:51 am (UTC)
If there's ever been an example of things happening for a reason, this is it. I'm sorry for your loss but I am so happy that you could be there, and be where you were.
Apr. 5th, 2009 06:11 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry for your loss. This was a very moving post. As redarius said, sometimes things happen for a reason. Losing your job gave you the time to say good-bye.

Apr. 5th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
Your mom was an RN, too?

I'm glad you're looking at things this way. It's smart and wise of you.
Apr. 6th, 2009 02:04 am (UTC)
i'm glad you had the time to spend time with her when you both needed it the most. it's always amazing when bad things turn out to be really good things in the long run.

i'm sorry for your loss.
Apr. 7th, 2009 01:53 pm (UTC)
((hugs)) bud. I'm so sorry.

Apr. 8th, 2009 06:54 pm (UTC)
You are an amazing person. I've known that since the first moment I met you, and I can only assume this means you have amazing parents as well. Your mom will be dearly missed, but she lives on through you and everything you do.

I'm glad the timing worked out such that you were not having to juggle all of these momentous life events at once, and I aspire to be able to face such weighty moments in my life with the same aplomb as you.

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )