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Beyond the valley of the sleeping monkey

I’m seizing the moment and taking the time to update. I been in the middle of move after move after move and I need a break. I moved 12 people from one cube to another yesterday and have to move 16 more people today. It seems like I've been moving for months... because I have been. I’ve had so many posts partway written in my head and now that I have a moment... Poof... Gone. Here’s hoping something surfaces. I got almost no sleep last night. I went to bed late and was awoken by the cats early this morning. They woke up when Lindsay got up at 5am and didn’t understand why I wasn’t making them food. After she left they really stepped up their game deciding to bat my nose, rub against my face and grab my fingers with their mouths and sandpaper tongues.

I went to see the Science of Sleep last night and I really enjoyed it. It really played on an unfounded fear that I have had for a long time. I have always had an active imagination, playing through scenarios in my head. I tend to freeze up in the moment especially if thrown into a new situation. So in my mind I have plotted out my actions for millions of disastrous happenings. When the two guys jump out of a car to beat the crap out of me, I won’t freeze. When I’m on a plane in the bathroom and we start to nose dive, my foot isn’t going to end up in the toilet. But I so often go into these imagination scenarios and leave reality that I have often worried that I wouldn’t come back. Tom is always asking me where I went to.. He calls it “Monkeyworld.” I have an amazing ability to tune things out and entertain myself. Leave me in the back seat of a car on a long trip and left to my own devices and I will not even listen to the conversation going on in the front seats. Of course I’m not always a space cadet, I can be grounded.

I’ve always had a fear that I would slowly deteriorate and lose my grasp on reality. I would wake up peeing on public transportation or jerking off at work. I would wake up to find out I was in a hospital, paralyzed and old, desperate to escape the bleak reality. You see the people on the street who are no longer in reality, how did they get there? Sure a lot of them got there through drugs but some of them didn’t. The Wig Lady of the Castro will have a rare second or two where she seems aware and it breaks my heart.

So when I saw the movie last night, I thought to myself... I could be that guy.


Tattva - Kula Shaker


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 13th, 2006 07:14 pm (UTC)
What a great post!
I saw this movie a week ago. It's crazy!

But your fear: I have that fear for me too. I've got a pretty active imagination and wonder sometimes if I'll just be unable to crawl out of the pit (so to speak) that I sometimes retreat to. But no worries yet. But yeah, the homeless on the street- how DID they get that way? I always wondered too and shuddered at the thought "what if that's me someday?". But they say a good imagination is healthy so we'll see. It's just all about being able to snap back into the real world when you need to.
Oct. 13th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC)
So when I saw the movie last night, I thought to myself... I could be that guy.

Oct. 13th, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
That picture is very disturbing. Very.

Hope to see you soon.
Oct. 16th, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I will realize that I'm not dreaming, but that I am actually laying there awake and my mind is going 10/40!


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )