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the walk

The most horrifying thing my mother has ever said to me was, "i love the way your tush bounces when you do your walk." I was destroyed that my mom referred to my tush and twice more horror stricken to find out i had a "walk"! I have often wondered how when i have tried my best to butch it up people have figured out that I was gay or different. When I went to bakersfield a few years back I cut my hair in a bland buzz-cut, losing my spikey flair, i took out my earrings, and i dawned some lose old navy jeans and plane black T-shirt. immediately after I walked into the bakersfield Wal-Mart I had at least 8 sets of eyes on me that had forgotten all about their shopping. i felt like i was wearing a dress made of flip-flops sandals in day-glow colors.

After I made it safely out of the store, I was worried a bit about my survival, i reenacted a scene from Birdcage with Tom. "Don't I look straight in this outfit? What am i doing wrong? My hair isn't pink anymore! I don't understand, why were all those people acting like I was wearing a tanya hardings skin while carrying a bat?" I thought I was blanding myself over enough to blend in... but I wasn't. I still don't know what i did to set off the townfolk's gaydar but the alarm sounded and I think it was probably my walk.

My friend James came up to visit me from LA when i was first emancipated from Randy. I was having a great time showing him around the city but in reality, i was seeing a lot of the city for the first time myself. We were walking down Castro street toward 18th when some snazzy queen walked up to us, blocking our path, he turned to walked away from us, his ass bouncing from side to side. i felt like his ass was the bouncing ball telling me what lyrics i should be singing. James and i were hypnotized. his ass moves so beautifully back and fourth, up and down, we couldn't pull our eyes from his dancing ass. He stopped, turned again and walked toward us again, this time passing us. our eyes remained on his dancing ass, our mouths were probably open. After he passed he glanced back taking in our amazed stares and slack jaws. He smiled, winked and continued he trip up Castro. James turned to me and all he could say was, "Wow!"

I don't think I walk like this man whose face I don't know if I ever saw, but I would guess, I probably walk more like a streetwalker than a runway model. I think my walk may say Homo even more than my project runway loving mouth. When I was in fourth or third grade I went to Camp High-Hill (in the Hollywood hills) our cabin counselor was nicknamed Spanky (I had no idea what it meant at the time) I learned on one of our hikes to walk like an indian. Heal to toe, smooth and quiet so you didn't kick up dirt and make noise. I decided I would always walk like an indian and that way if ever I need to hunt buffalo I would have an advantage. I think when I later learned it was important to be able to walk a line to pass sobriety checkpoints and deadly mixture was created. To this day I can be drunk as a queen at closing time and walk a straight line without making a sound, but I bet I look really fucking gay.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 3rd, 2006 09:29 am (UTC)
It's part of the gay community... When you spend enough time in it you inevitably pick up "the walk." I've had the same sort of comments about my walk from friends back home.
Aug. 3rd, 2006 11:48 am (UTC)
Aug. 3rd, 2006 11:54 am (UTC)
i have tried my best to butch it up people have figured out that I was gay or different

It could simply be that in trying to "butch it up" you were self consciously performing. And like most bad acting, the act of performing was communicated more than what you hoped to convey, which was "I'm mainstream".

In any case, we can't help but be what we are. And more than anything, you are what you are better than anything else. Nothing wrong with it.
Aug. 3rd, 2006 12:24 pm (UTC)
To this day I can be drunk as a queen at closing time and walk a straight line without making a sound, but I bet I look really fucking gay.

:) Drunk Gay Assassin!
Aug. 3rd, 2006 12:28 pm (UTC)
Well, it beats walking like an Egyptian…I guess.
I don't know that I picked up on your walk but then I already knew something of what to expect.

Monkey posts are always so special; random and edifying all at once.
Aug. 3rd, 2006 01:46 pm (UTC)
Now I've REALLY got to come to SF! If for nothing else I HAVE to see you walk. LOL

I'll bet it's not as bad as you think. I can just imagine how you would react walking in a place you've never been before. You would be so involved in what you were seeing that you would be like a kid in a candy store.

This was one of the funniest posts I read in a while. I miss your wit.

As for walking. I was told I have a definite walk. I was told I walk like a farmer.

How the hell does a farmer walk?



PS: Is our friend all settled?

PPSS: Be glad you have a tush let alone one that bounces. :-)

PPPSSS: And what your mother said to you sounds like something my mother would say to one of us kids.


Aug. 3rd, 2006 02:16 pm (UTC)
Aww, and here I was expecting to see you walk and your ass on You Tube. But, trust me, I know all about the eye of the Walmart. It's Texas, you know? It's like someone said, "There's a faggot on Aisle 4." over the loudspeaker.
Aug. 3rd, 2006 02:46 pm (UTC)
You just can't hide a faggoty ass!
Aug. 3rd, 2006 04:22 pm (UTC)
I guess I've tried to hide whatever "walk" I might have. my affectations come out in other ways, such as my mode of clothing or some other mannerisms/figures of speech.

oh lord.
Aug. 3rd, 2006 04:47 pm (UTC)
*wants to see you walk*

at least you HAVE a tush.
Aug. 4th, 2006 06:04 am (UTC)
As a proud gay man and someone who has a strong gaydar, I can honestly say every gay man has a certain swagger about them. You just... know that gay bounce like the back of your hand. I've tried many times to hide my perky butt from flipping back and forth, but I just can't help it.

Learn to love it, honey. ;-)
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )