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Unfamiliar territory

The funeral is tomorrow. I’ve been lucky in life and am unfamiliar with death and funerals. I’ve only been to three funerals and have only had two people close to me die; Oscar and Evie. When my mother’s parents dies I was too young to understand and didn't go to the funerals. The first funeral I remember was my great grandfathers on my mom’s side, I still didn’t understand and barely knew the man. I was bored and wanted to run on the grass and play, but I had to keep quiet and sit still. When my Dad’s mother died, he didn’t even tell me until quite some time after the funeral and didn’t attend the funeral himself.

The second funeral I went to was when I was in college for my friend Linda's mother. I barely knew her mother but was there to support Linda. I was one of her best friends. Sadly after her mother died, Linda changed. She became toxic, turned on friends and blamed us for her mother’s death. I guess we stressed her mother out to point of causing a vicious cancer.

The last funeral I went to was for Oscar. Tom was in London for Evie’s funeral, it was a bad month. I thought I would be strong. I didn’t think I would cry. But when they started to take Oscar away and I knew I would never se or talk to him again; when Kim started to let out a low painful sob and clinched my arm as she held on to me to remain standing, I began to sob uncontrollably.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)
Jan. 17th, 2006 08:34 pm (UTC)
There are two things you can never be prepared for. The loss of a loved one and a funeral.

I've been to way too many funerals.

Early in my life because AIDS had taken so many of my close friends away.

Now because what remaining friends and family members I have are growing older.

It never gets any easier Monkey.

*hugs* to you and Tom.



Jan. 17th, 2006 08:55 pm (UTC)
i don't have anything profound to say even though i do have some experience with funerals (mostly friends when i was in high school).

i think it's better to go with the emotions that you feel. if you feel the urge to cry, go with it. if you feel pain and sorrow, express it. i'm not saying this because i think you'll have any problem with any of that, but maybe sometimes you just need someone to tell you that it's ok to grieve.

i wish there was something else i could do for you, but as just some guy you know from your online blogger, i realize there's a limit to what i can offer. hopefully it makes it a little better knowing that there's someone who cares for you who's thinking of you and tom during this sad time.
Jan. 17th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
I was bored and wanted to run on the grass and play, but I had to keep quiet and sit still.

Reminds me of my 5-year-old nephew at Grandma's funeral last month. During the showing, he grabbed the digital camera out of his mother's purse, took it up to the casket, and snapped a picture. How nice to live in a world where you don't understand death.
Jan. 17th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC)
Hugs. To you, to Tom, to his family.

There's no advice anyone needs to give, and no way to prepare. Be there to be there for Tom, and hold him when he needs to be held. Be there to say goodbye to Al.

Thinking of you all.
Jan. 18th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
I think you are strong. Allowing yourself those emotions and their expression is indication of that. Energy can only be transformed; it can't be destroyed.
Jan. 18th, 2006 02:56 am (UTC)
I have to say I've always enjoyed funerals -- not in a happy way, but in a sad wistful way. They're like graduations -- the end of this life, the beginning of another. A time to remember all the good they brought into your life. A time to acknowledge the workings of the universe.
Jan. 18th, 2006 03:40 am (UTC)
I send you both my best. xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Jan. 20th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
thank you
My Dearest Monkey,
I'm writing this down because I know I would cry if I tried to say it.
Thank you so much for all you did for my father. You listened to him, and I mean actually listened and heard him. Not something most people would take the time to do. You genuinely cared about him. He felt very comfortable with you and knew I was in good hands.I know in his old world Italian way he loved you like a son. Thank you for your love and care during this time.The hugs,the slightest touch when you sensed I was upset, were needed and noticed.You have always been here when I need you. I love you very much!
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )