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He blinded me with Turpentine!

I’ve been slowly going through et_blackbird's old entries and I came across one where he talks about the temporary blindness he had after his accident. I was amazed at how the mind and eyes work together to create vision and movement. I thought back to my brief stint with blindness. I didn’t mind being blind, I kind of liked it.

My brother decided to throw a rag soaked in paint thinner at my head and call my name. His aim was true and when I turned to see what he wanted I was hit with my eyes open. Searing, burning melting pain ran though my eyes. It seemed like the pain was lava seeping all the way to the back of my head. My screams drew my mother from the house and she began trying to coax me to open my eyes so she could wash them out with the hose. The last thing I anted to do was open my eyes, but eventually she got me to open them.

I was blind for about two days. I don’t remember being scared about being blind forever, my mom said I would be able to see again and since I was so young I had no doubt she was right. She must really have known it wouldn’t last since she never took me to the hospital. She worked as a nurse for years and had probably dealt with other incidents like this.

It was summer and the weather was nice, it wasn’t too hot. I didn’t miss any school or plans. It was a time when I had no idea what I was going to do each day, I had so much free time things became boring. It wasn’t boring being blind. I did sleep a lot, my body was worn out from the damage and I was tired. But when I was awake, my mom would sit in bed with me, stoke my forehead while I used her lap as a pillow and read me stories. Some of them were my books but she also read one of her books to me. She fed me soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.

I finally had all of mom’s attention. I’m guessing my brother was “on restriction” in his room. I was so happy to be able to just listen to her and feel her fingers pass through my hair. I don’t really remember what the progress was like but, when I awoke on the third day my vision was fine. To this day I have excellent vision, better than anyone in my family. Sometimes I wonder if my eyes got a special cleaning that day that improved my vision.

Of course after this incident I found myself constantly fanaticizing about being in accidents or injured. I would dream about breaking a leg and getting that sort of attention again. I began to think of myself as a victim. It was quite some time before I began to take responsibility for myself. Still to this day my imagination goes to those dark places where something awful happens to me. I get excited about the attention and care I would get. But I’m not a victim anymore.

I still love the smell of paint thinner.



( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 18th, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
It is truly amazing that you survived all those years with your brother. I'm surprised he didn't throw a lit match on you after hitting you with the paint thinner soaked rag.

And you still seem to be the most caring and loving person you are.



Aug. 19th, 2005 11:52 pm (UTC)
Fire was never his thing, he liked to keep things physical.
Aug. 22nd, 2005 02:42 pm (UTC)
What a lucky break huh?


Aug. 18th, 2005 09:11 pm (UTC)
i just wish i had a time machine so i could go back and save you from all that brotherly "love"....i get so sad when i think of little you being subjected to all that
Aug. 18th, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC)
1. I am glad you survived your brother. Very glad.

2. You don't need to be hurt to get attention and care ;)
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 20th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)
I was so young probably about four years old. I don't think it really affected my perceptions. I was never worried that I wouldn't see again and didn't have to fend for myself. I would love to say that it made me appreciate my sight more, but I don’t think it did. I really think that I wasn’t blind long enough to really appreciate vision since my lack of sight never affected what I wanted/needed to do. I was perfectly happy being read to and having cheese sandwiches brought for me to eat in bed.
Aug. 18th, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
i knew you were a closet huffer!

on a different note, does your injury fascination extend to hospital and doctors? if so, i can think of at least two titan films that you probably love...
Aug. 19th, 2005 02:02 pm (UTC)
RX and Laid Up, right??
Aug. 19th, 2005 11:51 pm (UTC)
heh heh. You know I have never spent the night in a hospital. I had some awkward experiences with doctors... I tend to be nervous around them and if my pants are down sometimes I forget to breathe. my current Doctor has used smelling salts on me too many times. Luckily at this point I am quite comfortable with him. If I said I never had a little fantasy about him, I would be lying. he always gives me a really nice big hug at the end of the appointment.
Aug. 21st, 2005 04:39 pm (UTC)
So where is your brother now, is he still nuts?

Yay on you surviving.

So, do I get to hang out with you next weekend?
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )