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Do you often have dreams where you are not yourself. You are someone else or a younger self. I have recently been having dreams as if I was seeing things through other peoples eyes. Last nights dreams were quite interesting, the one I remember the most was really sweet.

I was myself at age 8 or so, I was excited because I was going to get to have a sleepover. Little Malakai (bete_lumineux)was so incredibly cute, he was animated looking at times, he sort of resembled young Kaneda from Akira. We played with legos in our fort made with blankets and pillows.


Time skips. It’s the next night and tonight the sleepover is at Malakai’s house which is right next-door to my childhood home that we slept in the night before. We are hiding under the covers of his bed with a flashlight. I leave the room and walk down the hall, I think I’m heading for the bathroom. I am stopped by Malakai’s older brother who is someone my mind just made up. His brother is probably 35, old enough to be his father. He has orange hair, a heavy beard, and was clearly a bear. “What are you two doing in there?” He is gay and he knows who I will become. He sees me for who I am. “We were playing,” I tell him, it was a simple truth. We were being innocent kids playing our games which were untainted by puberty. Sure we were holding hands and hugging each other but it wasn’t sexual.

I start to get scared. When I look up I see years of cobwebs with dead spiders dangling just above my head. I want to leave. I want to go back to being a kid, I want to get away from the accusing brother... But I just stand there staring at the brother and the cobwebs.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 10th, 2005 01:27 am (UTC)
i've thought a lot about this dream since you posted it. i think it says more than you think (or maybe not)...

i sometimes have dreams about being a kid again too. i miss the innocence and the hunger for the future. i remember looking in the mirror when i was ten and wishing i knew what i'd look like at 20. it seemed so old to me at the time. i couldn't even imagine myself being 30 and now here i am, just turning 33. i don't think i had a very developed sexual self at 10 but looking back i know i must have, at least to a certain degree because i had my first boyfriend (yes, i actually called him that) at the age of 7. we did quite a bit more than holding hands and hugging and what's really amusing is that we were caught more times than not. i don't ever remember being punished for the stuff that todd and i used to do. i wonder what i'd be like if i had been scolded by some big burly bearded bear? speaking of which, todd's dad was a big muscular man with a beard. him and my dad used to go on 'fishing trips' together... hmmmm...
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