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Wedding crash

I feel like a drama queen. I am freaked out. I feel like if I didn’t watch out people would see the deer in the headlights look on my face. I just booked my ticket to Germany for Oktoberfest but that isn’t what has me freaked out.

Last night I was helping Malakai do a wipe and clean install on his PowerBook when my phone rang. I saw the 714 phone number and for some reason thought it was Phinny despite the fact that he hasn’t had a 714 number in at least five years. The voice that came over seemed familiar and was asking me if I knew who it was. I asked for him to keep talking... But he didn’t. The voice was familiar but wasn’t a voice I felt I held close to my heart. I sensed it was someone I probably wasn’t very close to... So I guessed Chris Patcheco. I was wrong on both assumptions. He claimed he was Chris’ nemesis. Something about the way he said one of the words made it all click... I knew exactly who it was. It was Mike, I wasn’t prepared, I was going to have a heart attack. Why was the guy who I lost my virginity with calling me?

I haven’t seen him in at least six years, I think the last time I spoke to him was on the phone three years ago and I was the one who called him because I was worried about him. I would bet the last time he called me was 10 years ago. For some reason I thought we would eventually see each other at a party and be awkward around each other.

To sum up my history with Mike into one paragraph (so you don’t have to go through all other posts I have made) He was one of my best friend in high school until I came out to him, we slept together that night, once he came, he wanted nothing to do with me. He made me promise to never tell anyone. So I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. I fought to become his friend again, but we would never be the friends we were. I eventually became better friends with his new girlfriend. When they got married I was the maid or honor. I was on her side not his. I was also the photographer and DJ at their wedding. After I moved to San Francisco I got very upset with Mike because he wouldn’t drive 4 blocks to see me after I drove 400 miles. I had finally had enough and wasn’t going to put any more effort into the relationship. He and his wife got a divorce and I got back into contact with her again. I was happy with this.

So why was he calling me? Did he come across my journal and want to yell at me, maybe apologize? Was something wrong? No he told me he was getting married, and he wanted me to be his wedding photographer again.

Wedding photography is stressful. You have to capture those fleeting moment so they won’t be lost forever. It stressful especially if you are friends with the couple. I don’t know if I could do it this time. I haven’t seen him since before his divorce. At best things would be awkward. I know I don’t want to do it. I have so many reasons. He is going to call me next week to see what I have decided, I doubt I will change my mind. I'm just surprised how freaked out I have felt ever since the phone call.

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane - Hopes And Fears


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 13th, 2005 06:16 pm (UTC)
oh eric....i am so sorry, DON'T DO IT. youa ren't necessarily "friends with the couple". don't do it!!!!! :(

that is awful. and actually, very selfish of him. jerk.
Jul. 13th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC)
*HUGS* bud.

Follow your heart.


Jul. 13th, 2005 06:27 pm (UTC)
That sucked as an answer.

Your answer should be "Hell NO!" Go back and read all the things this person has done to you. You shouldn't even have to hesitate.
That is how I would feel.

Now you get *HUGS*



Jul. 13th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)
Wow, that does sound awkward! That is a blast from the past!
Jul. 13th, 2005 07:16 pm (UTC)
Oh good grief.. I know if I found myself in the same situation I would be offended and hurt, no way would I do it. I'm just some putz in the midwest, but I would say forget it and let it go away.. just say no =)
Jul. 13th, 2005 07:20 pm (UTC)
if i were you i'd politely decline.
Jul. 14th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)
Jul. 13th, 2005 08:14 pm (UTC)
No way. That's not the sort of favor you casually call someone out of the blue for. Especially if that someone's not going to remember your voice when you call!

I'd be uncomfortable too. I hope he's understanding of your refusal.
Jul. 13th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
yikes - wedding photography. i've been asked to do it before, but i always decline because of the inevitable stress it would cause, as you mentioned. though i'd think in this instance it'd be even more so.
Jul. 13th, 2005 11:11 pm (UTC)
it's one thing if he called you up after all those years and made an attempt at something meaningful. Certainly an apology for using and abusing you is not out of order. Yes, that'd hurt, especially if he wants forgiveness. But it'd actually be something.

This is just asking to use you again, just in a different way. Stick to your guns, and tell him no - not just no, but HELL no!
Jul. 14th, 2005 01:55 am (UTC)
I stand with the majority. Sounds to me he's looking for a quick out of one of those obligatory things that weddings seem to demand. I'll bet he doesn't want to spend the money a "professional" photographer would cost. I'm guessing that you didn't charge very much the last time if anything. On top of that, you're better friends with his ex (still?) and, to my mind, it would be impolitic to be the photographer at a second wedding for someone who basically dissed both you and her (admittedly I don't know the circumstances between the two of them but I'm extrapolating from your history with him and he sounds a little too typically "male") and is now looking for a quick solution to the question of "who's going to shoot the wedding?".
Jul. 14th, 2005 03:51 am (UTC)
Yikes. Just want to echo the chorus of sentiments above... Just Say No!

Jul. 14th, 2005 05:41 am (UTC)
Holy crap! you have to call me pronto...I cannot believe he called you and for that? He must have no idea that it would be so inappropriate. Uggghhhh, I don't want to say too much-prying eyes you know. But call me!!!!!!!!

<3 J

P.S. there may be 3 of us traveling up your way soon-I don't know when but soon! I miss you!
Jul. 16th, 2005 02:12 pm (UTC)
My gut reaction is that you should refuse. He hasn't been a great friend to you, and he's asking a lot from you now: wedding photography is difficult, and not an enjoyable way to spend the day. People get paid big bucks to do it, and there's no way I'd do it for anyone who wasn't a really close friend.

However many problems he was having with his sexuality way back when, he treated you appallingly. However his life has gone in the meantime, he hasn't spared much of a thought for you. Screw it: let him find his own photographer.
Jul. 21st, 2005 01:23 am (UTC)
I'm sorry... but this was the most un-satisfying story I've ever heard. :(

I wanted there to be much love and kisses and all that, not another offer to take pictures at his *now* 2nd wedding.

I'm sorry about all this. I'm happy you're not his friend anymore.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )