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I finally told Jannie everything.

I used to live on a web of secrets. They bound me in a dark hole. Some of the secrets I kept for myself, some I kept for others. The ones I kept for others were more toxic and would eat away at me. When it felt like they would eat through my skin. I told the secrets I kept for him to another, Wendi pulled it out of me. It was painful and frustrating, but It was such a relief to have it out, but I felt guilty about breaking my word. Eventually I broke down and told others, other people and other secrets. I posted them on the internet. They were my secrets as well and I had kept them long enough. The secrets that used to rule my thoughts and held my heart hostage have no more power.

I don’t feel guilty that I posted his secret on the internet. It wasn’t just his secret in the first place.

Do you have a secret?

Get_Invisibly_Paid - Beck vs. Fischerspooner (DJ Earworm) - www.djearworm.com


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 27th, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC)
Was it the water fountain?

Apr. 27th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
No, I don't get thirsty when I fell shame.
None of those were my secret. I told my secret to the last person I needed to tell. You've read my secret already I posted it a long time ago.

You do have a right to be upset that after 21 years he could say something like that to you. it's fine if he wants to get tested but to say he doesn't trust you is rude.
Apr. 27th, 2005 06:09 pm (UTC)
Re: No, I don't get thirsty when I fell shame.
Thanks. I'm a bit put off by his comment.

I had a whole thing written but decided not to post it.

Listening to the song Mindcircus which is how I feel

O my. You've written so many stories. Would it be about your friend and first encounter? I won't guess anymore.

Apr. 27th, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC)
Apr. 27th, 2005 08:59 pm (UTC)
I hope you are doing okay and feeling okay about what we talked about. And I hope you know how much I love you and could never be mad at you. Things that happen to you are supposed to make you who you are today-so I can't say completely that I feel like all my time was wasted, but I do feel like there was so much I didn't know. This will sound made up but its the truth- for everything that has happened-if what came out of it was knowing you and having your friendship and being exposed to so many other good people, then I guess it was worth it.

Call me!
J lady
Apr. 27th, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
Glad you got that off your chest. Another place to post secrets (anonymously, albeit) is http://grouphug.us/. They're also fun to read if you're ever feeling like it. Hugs.
Apr. 28th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC)
fun to read... yeah, i suppose you could say that...

this is my favorite one so far:

I have killed a woman with my penis.

I was getting hot, as was she, I thrusted forth.

She started to choke and gag, I didn't notice.

She died.



somehow i doubt he's telling the truth...
Apr. 28th, 2005 04:50 am (UTC)
Ew... uh, yeah, unless he's posting from jail or something. Well I use it more for entertainment. Haven't been there in a while. Makes you feel like your life really ain't all that bad!
Apr. 28th, 2005 01:23 am (UTC)
i'm proud of you that you finally told her.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )