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Questions Answered- singleentendre Vaginas!

Why do vaginas look like tomahawk wounds?

I know I may not seem very religious... So my answer might surprise you. Vaginas look like tomahawk wounds because of God. Now I really am not one to say whether someone’s religion is right or wrong (most of them are the same for the most part anyway) but in order to fully explain how vaginas came to look the way they do, I am going to have to upset some people.

None of the organized religions are correct about the origins of man. You see woman came first. When God first willed her into existence she had three legs so she could easily balance and rest. The first woman didn’t have a name. Why would she need one? One day she awoke from a dream where she was two people. She was talking to this other her, they were both gardening and the work was much easier with two. She told God about her dream and asked if she could have God make her two. God didn’t have enough power to make another her, but if she made a sacrifice God might be able to grow another version of her from her own flesh.

Now God cannot actually work in the physical world, so the first woman was going to have to sacrifice her own flesh. She looked around to find something to cut her leg off with and created the first tomahawk. After She cut off her front leg God started to transform the leg and it grew but God was weak and depleted from all the creations God had made recently. Things went a bit wrong and the new person didn’t grow a full third leg it was small, without bones and malformed. The new persons appearance didn’t look very much like the first woman. God was so tired that he wasn’t even able to heal the first woman’s wound completely. But the first woman was happy, she had someone to talk to who could help her out, and share in her happiness.

When the new person put his malformed leg into the first woman’s wound God was repulsed, but also intrigued as to why they would do it. All three however were shocked when nine months later a child emerged from the non-healing wound. I believe Gods words when he saw the event were, “Jesus Christ”


Oh and in case you were wondering God is a hermaphrodite.

Can You Feel It - The Jacksons - Triumph

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Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
d2leddy
Apr. 7th, 2005 08:52 pm (UTC)
Oh come on you made that up! o_O
monkeyx3
Apr. 7th, 2005 10:41 pm (UTC)
No it's true, Buddha told me, he is the son of Jesus you know!
likethecandybar
Apr. 7th, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
That's fucking hysterical...you rock. I need to think of a good question to ask now.
et_blackbird
Apr. 7th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
That is a great piece of writing. Have you ever read Neil Gaiman's work (the "Sandman" comics or the "American Gods" novel)? I think you'd like them they suit your sense of creativity. That's a great piece.

Wow. Read some of your earliest entires and then read this and the recent entries about compliments and scars. Your journal is an incredible journey.
monkeyx3
Apr. 10th, 2005 09:14 am (UTC)
*bows* Thank you!

I read a few "Sandman" when they first came out. I really enjoyed them... I believe my friend Eugene has all of them. I will have to ask him if I can borrow a few because I don't remember much about them other than enjoying them.
singleentendre
Apr. 8th, 2005 01:41 am (UTC)
"I DIDN'T EVOLVE FROM NO WOMAN LEG!!!!!!!!!"

(said in the redneck-y way a creationist from Alabama would say, "I didn't evolve from no monkey!")

Hahaha - good answer :)
ewe_2
Apr. 8th, 2005 01:13 pm (UTC)
You just crack me UP!

You right so innocently. I could hear Johnny telling the teacher in class this story.

:-)

D
nverzeanu
Apr. 8th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC)
I'm still a little confused. Where did the concentric rows of razor sharp rotating teeth come from? Did God do those later?
monkeyx3
Apr. 10th, 2005 09:19 am (UTC)
having never seen a vagina up close...
They have teeth! How do those straight guys and lesbians do it! I'm so glad I always knew I was gay! I'm going to have to email Buddha to find out what the deal is with the teeth, he left out that part.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )