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Like so often when posting I am wondering where to begin, and this time I think I will skip past most of my hiatus and to the most recent moments.(Damn it, I am so Ellen that I see I had to jump back quite a bit to really tell the most recent events... Bare with me.) Today my brother left back for Arizona and I was planning on going with my parents to a party at a house I have loved for over 25 years. Growing up I had such a skewed view on things. The 405 North and South went East and West. The beach was south of my home, not west. And my dad had two fathers. My dad's side of the family has always been confusing and is still hard to explain. So lets take the time here to really explain it all so in the future I can just reference this post. Here we go:

My Dad was raised by his grandmother, she spoiled him to the point that when his father remarried a nice Italian woman my dad rejecter her. How could this new woman compete with his grandmother who brushed his seven year old teeth at night. He rejected his new mother and decided to spend all of his time with his best friend's family. He grew up with them, and as we all know, family is who you make it. Blood may be thicker than water, but bonds and love are what make a family, not blood. My Dad was a part of their family and my brother and I were part of theirs, we may have been on the periphery, but we were always included. We got presents at Christmas when we would visit on Christmas night. It was a time my brother and I loved because we got to see the most amazing displays on the fronts of these houses that we considered mansions. The saddest house on the block belonged to a family of musicians one of whom had died because she stopped eating. We always asked about the Carpenters house because instead of being done up in lights they had one plastic snowman sun bleached by time that was never lit up. Even as kids we knew the sadness of the Carpenters.

Latter when I was seven I would find out my Dad had another whole family none of us knew about. His real mother wasn't dead and she had six brother's and sisters. The Anderson would fall into the background as he got to know this whole new family he had been denied for forty some years. I have had little contact with many of the Andersons in recent years. I have probably wrongly distanced myself from family members. Partly out of fear of what might make my dad uncomfortable.

It's interesting to think about how out I am to different family members. To my dad's mother's side I am completely out to everyone. I feel completely accepted and normal, they discuss everything and accept everyone for who they are. My Dad's Fathers side likes to think they are in the 50s. They like to keep up appearances and impress the other family members. This makes me extremely uncomfortable. I have not really come out to any of them. I think my dad hopes that I won't. I have always liked the black sheep on this side of the family that would disappear from those family Christmas and picnic parties. I would be so sad that another person I felt connected to would disappear. I always felt like "Witch Baby", I didn't belong in this family, those black sheep that didn't belong either were my hope for family.

My mother has been through more tragedies than any person should go through. Almost everyone in her family died before I reached four years old. Her brother now lives in Fresno and the only other family she has is a cousin and and aunt in Michigan. I am out to her brother and cousin, but haven't really had much reason to come out to her aunt since I haven't seen her in ten years.

But Ellen back to your point. Today I went with my parents to the Anderson Beach house in Laguna Beach. When I was a kid I would marvel at the luxury of the house. It had a shower that was a big as our whole bathroom and it had more than one showerhead! Once you got past that there was also the fact that there was, as I saw it, a hot tube in the bathroom! Sure it was a huge bath tub, but I had never seen such a big one with jets and molded to fit your body before. All this in a room the size of my bedroom, and then there was a separate room for the toilet and another one with sinks an mirrors. It amazed me.

While my Family didn't have money we were closely connected to the Andersons who did. And we would reap the benefits of it. My dad would never ask or let his pride be bruised by being given money, but he had no problem asking to stay in one of their vacation homes. When we went on vacations my brother and I felt like we were the sons of celebrities. There weren't rally any other kids in the Anderson Family who were our age so we never really bonded to much with the family.

Damn you Ellen back to today, sorry, Jack and Coke is working it's way out of my system. I was excited to see this amazing house again after probably at least seven years, but I also wanted to see Lanny (traylordean) who I haven't' seen in months. When Lanny called I pretty much invited him to come along with us. I figured he would love to see such a beautiful house built into the Laguna cliff right on the beach, and I was right. I did have to wonder what people would think.

People originally thought Lanny was my brother. They hadn't seen either of us in so long I guess they didn't have a clue what we looked like. You would see the shift in their eyes when they found out he was a friend on not my brother. So many people would start to delve a little deeper thinking Lanny was my boyfriend only to have their eyebrows really visibly raise when they learned that Lanny lived in LA while I lived in San Francisco. I was fine with most people making the incorrect assumption that we had a long distance relationship or something. Lanny and I found it amusing to watch everyone's reactions as well as seeing the inner-detective show through.

Towards the end of the evening I was having a great time talking to one of the girls was the troublesome teenager when I was six about her grandmother and her daughters I have never met when Gary came up to me after talking for a minute to Lanny. Lanny has no problem lying to people and telling them what they want to hear, I call it his Gemini factor. Lanny has this belief that people don't care what you tell them as long as you tell them something. So when Gary told Lanny to "look after me, and keep me out of trouble," he said don't worry I do. Which is such a lie, because Lanny gets me into trouble all the time!

Gary then came over to me and started to tell me how glad he was that I brought Lanny. He loved me and was proud of me. When I told him Lanny was just a friend, he responded with a "whatever, you know, I know, it's cool."
No, Really, Lanny really is just a friend, I said.
Gary started to wave his hand absentmindedly, "whatever, you know, it's cool."

And I notice quite a few people listening in as conversations stopped in the room and I said, "no, I have a boyfriend, it's just not him, he really is just a friend. My boyfriend is still in San Francisco." So I guess I have now come out to all of the families except my dad's fathers side. I don't know if I will ever be ready for that. It seems that anything I've seen from the 50s the gay guy dies. Cute as Sal Mineo is, I have no desire to try to live my live in a 50s environment, but who knows maybe next year I will rock the family out of the 50s like in the movie Pleasantville. Maybe next year I will also learn how to keep the the story instead of wandering around like Ellen. Both are pretty doubtful.

A Perfect Lie (Theme Song) [Gabriel & Dresden Remix] - The Engine Room - Nip/Tuck Original TV Soundtrack


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 27th, 2004 01:22 pm (UTC)
it was all pertinent to the story, Ellen :)
Dec. 28th, 2004 10:38 pm (UTC)
Hee hee, Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 28th, 2004 10:32 pm (UTC)
Re: Do yuo mind if I continue to stay tuned for the next episode?
Please do, I'm glad to have you here. I've already added you as a friend, hope you don't mind! Feel free to add me back!
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 28th, 2004 10:37 pm (UTC)
Wow, Thank you. I really felt like I was wandering all over the place on that entry.

I LOVED King of Orient Are. I didn't have a chance to read the stories by the other authors, maybe next year. I love that you even managed to put the Russian Gypsy Tarot Cards into the story!
Dec. 27th, 2004 11:15 pm (UTC)
Even though some of them are hard to read because I feel for you so much, I love reading the stories you are sharing. You have a gift to tell them that you are honing here, and it's an intricate experience getting through the layers of you.

What a natural way to come out, by the way. I long for a world where people can say something like that in conversation, and have the people there hear it or not, and just get on with the conversation. No sensation, just fact.

It's intriguing that the detective in these people wants to have Lanny be your boyfriend at all costs.

By the way, and I'm not being a prick, I just loved this typo:
"Bare with me"
Whenever you want, dear Sir!
Dec. 28th, 2004 10:46 pm (UTC)
My gift for storytelling comes from my genes, I am mostly Irish. A teacher in high school used to call me "Martin you damn terrorist," since I shared the last name of a certain leader of the IRA. It used to take over a half hour to get through customs in the UK. They just didn't want anyone with my last name in the country!

Bare bear, I was unsure which spelling was the correct on for the phrase. I figured since there wasn't a bear in the room with me, it had to be the other. Naked with me does sound nicer and more pleasant. no claws or attacking to worry about... well not too much anyway.
Dec. 26th, 2005 12:14 am (UTC)
Now that I've met Lanny, I had to come back and read this story again.

How funny that people who met you and I together were sure I was your brother - Tom's family, for example. And your family assumed Lanny was your brother... you have a lot of brothers!

It's a year later, but I'm assuming that you didn't come out to the 50s branch of the family. I hope you did get to see this branch of the family you described here.

This story is bittersweet, knowing everything that happened between your father and them. Have they ever met Tom? I wonder if any of them still think Lanny is your boyfriend.
Dec. 26th, 2005 03:47 am (UTC)
Yes I am sure there are still people who think Lanny is either my brother or boyfriend because many people left before the subject was brought up and cleared. None of them have ever met Tom. And no, I didn't come out to the bizzaro-land 50's side of the family. The Christmas party I attended last week with them was interesting. there were a few people who really tried to reach out and make me feel welcome while others said goodbye at the end of the evening to my brother standing next to me on one side and my father on the other... and not a word to me. And so life goes on. There is a reason I haven't been to the family Christmas party in over five years... and that is it.
Merry Christmas my little blackbird.
Dec. 26th, 2005 10:40 pm (UTC)
Merry Christmas to you too, my great, strong friend... although at this time of day, I can barely get away with saying Happy Boxing Day! Still, I really believe one can't give good wishes to good friends often enough.

Some people's behaviour is shocking. It says volumes about these people that they would blank anyone like they blanked you when they were saying their goodbyes.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )