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The forever Mysterious Kay.

I've been working on writing a certain post for a while now, and yet again, I pushing it to the back, to be finished later. I was actually planning on spending the day reading and maybe playing a video game for a while, but those also are being pushed to the back.

I've only actually met my Aunt Kay in person a handful of times. She was one of the family members that just popped into my life when I was seven years old. For many years I knew about her and would write letters to her and anxiously await her replies. I would brag about my adventurous Aunt who lived in Antarctica for half the year at McMurdo station and either New Zealand or Australia for the other half. She would help me in science classes. My teachers were always amazed that my reports or projects contained photographs of Penguins or Killer Whales rather than Xerox copies or pictures cut from the page of a National Geographic.

Eventually I was going to get to meet her. One year my Family had a huge Thanksgiving party in Vegas at my New Grandma's house and every family member was supposed to show up. Everyone was there, except Aunt Kay. When Aunt Penny "ran to the store" for a half hour Kay showed up. She showed up right after Aunt Penny walked out the door and left before Aunt Penny got back. That was when I learned Aunt Kay liked to live in the other hemisphere in order to avoid people and problems more than it was to the draw of adventure.

It seemed I hit the gold-mine of getting to see Aunt Kay in Junior High School. I would see her once every year. but by the time I was in 10th grade I wouldn't see her anymore, I also wouldn't get replies to my letters. I started to ask why, I never thought it was something I did. The answer I got was she is mad at your Aunt Lex. Since we live so close to Lex she is avoiding us as well. My Dad was so pissed at Kay I knew not to ask any more questions.

In 1999 I found out my Aunt Kay's email address and attempted to reconnect again, but the responses I got were quick and not encouraging so i gave up after just a few emails.

Last week Aunt Kay had a heart attack and a Quadruple bypass. I talked with my Dad and tried to encourage him to go visit her. Tell her that Aunt Lex was moving to another state so she should just get over this bull shit. He said he would think about it, but said she was really out of it and didn't recognize anyone. I reiterated that he should still go visit her.

I just got off the phone with my Dad and when he said he had bad news I already knew she was gone. I asked him if he had gone to see her and he didn't. He began to choke up just the smallest bit before he regained the anger he has held for her for so many years. "She wouldn't have known who I was and she said she didn't want visitors. I'm not going to go see someone who doesn't know who I am and doesn't want to see me."

She had made him choose between herself and the sister who hired a detective to find him as well as the one who moved to be closer to her long lost brother. My Dad doesn't like be forced to do anything and I think he was really hurt when Aunt Kay put him in a situation where he was once again being abandoned by a family member over a fight that he had no part in.

Rest in Peace Aunt Kay. While I can't remember your face, I will always remember your letters.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 5th, 2004 01:50 pm (UTC)
Wow, Death doesn't seem to want to stay too far away from you does it? You must have a very great heart for this to keep happening.
Dec. 5th, 2004 04:06 pm (UTC)
I wish you lots of strength to get through all these difficult and dark times.

Families... it's good that you tried to get your Dad to talk to his sister, just as I try to get Martin to talk to his father. If nothing else, you made him aware that it was a chance, maybe the last, to speak. It was good of you to find it in yourself to do that, even though you had also been cut out of your Aunt's life.

I also understand your father, and how hurt he felt. I feel that way about someone who cut themselves out of my family. And you've made me remember that I can make the effort to reach out too.

The worst thing that could happen is being rejected, but at least I will have tried.
Dec. 6th, 2004 05:57 am (UTC)
I am so so sorry Monkey.
Nothing I can say or do can change how you feel right now. Just know you have people who care about you and are here to listen.

*hugs* buddy.

Dec. 6th, 2004 09:19 am (UTC)
Your Aunt Kay, seems like she was a neat lady. Too bad she couldn't get past the bad blood.

I'm sorry for your loss. **hugs
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )