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Random rant about my mom.

I am very picky about food but I don’t crave it, if I could I would take pills for lunch and dinner on most days. However I am not like most people who equate food with love and happiness. My mom could talk for hours about a rice cookie she once had that tasted almost like a real cookie. So I was expecting her to go hog wild buying up stuff she know she likes because she ate it at our house or try new stuff. But she only bout about 6 things. She claimed she was worried about spending money and getting fat. I knew the Money was my mom speaking as my dad. He has been way too worried about money, but I will get to that later. My mom weighs more than she ever has in her life all 115 lbs of her. She weighs 5 pounds more than she did when she graduated high school. She is probably 5’5”, she is in no danger of becoming fat. She is just more than her usual slightly underweight 108. Steroids are going to make you gain weight and being at a normal healthy weight and even a little over is something to be happy about. So I wanted her to buy a whole bunch of yummy tasty things she could make and feel like a regular person.

While I was on a walking with my dad up towards Twin Peaks, my dad pointed to a house that had an in-law behind it. “that’s what I think you should try to get... Because your mother probably isn’t going to be with us for too much longer. We won’t know until next year, but I don’t think she is going to pull up.” My mom is so weak and her arms and legs are like little white toothpicks attached to her body. She isn’t exercising as much as she should. I keep getting mad at her because she wants pills to make her pain go away rather than do stretching exercises for cramped muscles. I have told her so many times that if she spend just 5 minutes a day doing neck roll she won’t be in pain. As my dad and I continued past the house with the in-law he added, “ I guess It will either be something like this or a retirement home.” This seems so insane to me. He rides his bike 5 or more miles to and from the beach everyday, and he’s resigning himself to a home. Of course the first thought I had was well of course you couldn’t do this with mike (my brother) they would kill each other.

The second thought I had was, then why are you being so stingy with money if you think mom isn’t going to be around for too much longer. If she wants a pair of $75 sandals she should be able to have them. If she wants to buy some yummy gluten free food, she should. I know her medical bills are very high but they both worked very hard and saved up their money and they don’t need to worry about money anymore. They have enough to live on for the rest of their lives even if they both live another 30 years. Maybe I don’t have a complete grasp of how much money they have but it seems to me if you own two (paid off) houses you are pretty set. My dad has always been pretty thrifty, but this is ridiculous. I almost want to send my mom a credit card to charge a hundred bucks a month onto that I would pay the bill. I don’t need to spend that much money, I’m pretty happy with the toys I have. I buy a game every couple of months, books here and there and once I year I normally buy something expensive from apple (I actually just bought Airport Express). I can afford it, but I know my mom wouldn’t use it and it would just make my dad mad that I made him look bad.

I’m not an emotional person so this post is more about organizing my scattered thoughts. I am still holding on to the idea my mom will be holding on for at least a few more years. She managed to go up and down the 3 flights of stairs each day, sometimes even two or three times, so she still has some “go” in her. I just want my mom to be happy.

Vienna - Ultravox - Electric Dreams (Disc 1)



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 18th, 2004 05:45 pm (UTC)
wanting your mom to be happy is in no way bad. i don't recall exactly what your mom is sick with, but i agree that enjoying little pleasures in life regardless of how much money they cost is very important. maybe that's why i never seem to save any money... it's extremely morbid, but maybe both your parents are so resigned to the fact that your mom doesn't have much time left that they've decided that there's no point in buying stuff like sandals if you know they won't be used very much. i personally think that's an awful way of thinking and rather defeatist. it's important to keep on living your life despite the fact that you know you possibly may die in the near future. i've had to deal with terminally ill friends before. if you start cutting back on these sort of things, what's the point of continuing? i can understand that your parents may be emotionally and financially preparing themselves for something that they may see as being inevitable, but that doesn't mean that she's already gone...
Aug. 18th, 2004 06:22 pm (UTC)
It sucks watching parents grow old and ill. I remember when my Mom died way back, at too early an age (for either of us), thinking that when a child is born one of two outcomes is inevitable. Either the child will see the parent die, or the parent will see the child die. And every parent I know would choose the former.
It's nice that at least your parents don't have to worry about money. And maybe the reason they don't spend it isn't morbid at all -- maybe they just realize that material things aren't that important any more. Maybe it's more important to them to maintain those old habits and a sense of normalcy -- with so much change closing in.
I feel you.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )