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roped back in...

Avoidance is a dance I can do very well. I recently got a message that I had a message on friendster and was very surprised to see when I checked that the message actually shoed up. I think i got it on Thursday, but I have been dancing around it until today. I am conflicted, The message was short and sweet and caring, but it was from Mike, the first guy I slept who broke my heart. We became friends again but eventually I had to stop trying to be his friend... he just took and took but never gave.

Mike is always surrounded by drama, he really is an amazing great guy but I've changed. I can't give as much as I used to, i've become more jaded. Like i said his message was sweet and caring, he really seemed to be reaching out, but when i clicked on his profile I got a little worried. Here is part of his profile:

Interests: brushing my teath with a 45
Favorite Music: anything by anyone who've killed themselves
About Me: life is great. nothing bad has happened to me that hasn't made things worse.
Who I Want to Meet: Memnoch


I used to one of his main sources of support, I'm not sure who he has anymore, it worries me. I haven't sent a response yet, I'm still working on it. I'm just unsure of what to say, i want to be there for him if he really needs me but I don't want to be used and thrown away like he has so many time before.

This Twilight Garden (Unavailable on Album) - The Cure - High (Maxi)

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
redarius
Jul. 6th, 2004 05:42 pm (UTC)
tough choices ..
are not as tough when we've had to make them about people in our lives over and over again. i'm pretty cold about this, but that's because i give a lot to my friends and i carefully conserve what love i have for the people that can return it to me even greater than i've given.

i'm all for second and eighteenth chances, but just be careful about being vulnerable.

oh, and if he really wanted to kill himself, he'd be dead. there's nothing you can do to change that once someone's made that choice for themselves.
monkeyx3
Jul. 7th, 2004 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: tough choices ..
You give good advice, I'm always known there is not much that can be done to stop suicide, sometimes its a cry for help or attention but if they truly want to end their life there really is nothing that can be done.

I'm giving him another chance, but I am not expecting anything. I will not be used again. Thanks for you imput.
_kaiser_
Jul. 6th, 2004 06:23 pm (UTC)
hmmmmmmmmmmm...
i checked your friendster profile and he's not listed as one of your friends (unless he's under another name than 'mike'). the voyeur in me is screaming for you to add him as your friend so i can check out what he looks like. the part of me that actually cares about other people is worried that by doing so, you might be setting yourself up for being dragged in and hurt again (don't say it won't happen because i know you're too nice of a guy not to be abused like you have been in the past). i'm torn... either way, don't be motivated by thoughts of keeping him from hurting himself. i agree with redarius in that if he really wants to do it, you being involved won't stop him...
monkeyx3
Jul. 7th, 2004 04:41 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmmmmmmmmmm...
he didn't send me a friend invite or whatever you call it and I'm not ready to send him one. It's a bit sad, we used to have a huge group of friends in common but he has ostracized almost everyone that I know of. Interesting thing with me is the only people that can really hurt me are the ones that I love, to everyone else I'm pretty tough.
q_knox
Jul. 7th, 2004 06:13 pm (UTC)
What is Tom saying about this?
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )