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I managed to type up the last bit while at work. it doesn't flow as nicely as i would like and it seems to be missing something but I don't have time... I'm flying down to Long Beach tonight and I wanted to finish the story about Mike. If this was an episode of friends everybody would know the truth, learn a lesion and laugh... but this ain't friends.

So I had decided I would not allow Mike to throw away our friendship. He didn’t made up stories as to why he didn't want to hang out with me. As far as anyone knew he was just not hanging out with me as much anymore. So I would always show up and talk with him whenever the group of friends would get together. Mike's favorite person to hang out with was Phinny who had been my best friend since kindergarten, who I was already always hanging out with anyway. Slowly Mike began to accept me again, but things never went back to the way they were.

I was really pushy and used the fact that Mike wouldn’t say anything against him, The three of us ended up in Ireland together. I know Mike didn’t want me to go but hey, it wasn’t his choice now was it. By this point I just wanted to be friends again like we used to be. While we were there we fought a lot and it was a very good thing. By the time we got back we were actually friends again. He had gotten to a point where he would invite me to events again.

He had a new girlfriend, Jannie who I LOVED. I still do! I’ll be seeing her this weekend. Jannie and I became really great friends really fast. It didn’t take long before I was more Jannie’s friend than Mike’s. After they had been dating for a few years and things between mike and I had become as good as they were going to get, I was at his shop helping him print some T-shirts for Reel Big Fish. I remember the night so well, because I don’t get angry very often, but when I do, I remember everything.

We were shit chatting about nothing, the colors of the T-shirts and how silk screening worked, when all of a sudden he changed the subject by saying. “I’m thinking about having a boy on the side.” there was a long period of uncomfortable silence while I took the information in. I was shocked he was telling me this. He knew I was much better friends with his girlfriend and yet he was telling me he wanted to cheat on her. “What about Jannie? I asked.

“If she ever finds out, I’ll kill you!” he replied. I must have turned white, I could feel the blood pumping to my fists, I was so mad. I couldn’t believe he thought I would sleep with him again after all the shit he put me through. After all the work I had put in to get our friendship back together, besides the fact that I wouldn’t do that to Jannie. I couldn’t believe that he had no clue what he had done to me. I told him, it wouldn’t be happening and left fighting with the old wounds reopened. Luckily I was more angry than anything.

When Mike and Jannie got married, I was the Man (maid) of honor at the wedding, dressed in black velvet. I have never told Jannie what had happened between her husband and I, but I think she might know, but not because Mike ever told her. After they were married mike made a few more drunken passes at me as well as offering me to a very undesirable friend of his was questioning his sexuality. Even if he was hot I still would have been pissed.

Eventually the final straw between mike and I came when I drove the 400 miles from San Francisco to LA. I arrived to find he and Jannie weren’t home so I went to my friend Melanie’s place four blocks away. Mel and I were having a great time, listing to a Boy George DJ album while watching the Pamela and Tommy lee wedding video and drinking a lot of wine when Mike called. He wanted us to drive over to their house. I said, that I had quite a bit to drink and had already driven 400 miles, so he should come over here, we had a small party in full swing! He declined. And that was when I stopped trying. If he couldn’t bother to drive 4 blocks after I drove 400 miles why should I bother. Friends should at least try to meet you part of the way if not halfway.

Jannie and Mike divorced about a year ago. I’ve kept in contact with her but have stopped putting in the effort to keep the friendship with Mike. It seems like more and more people are giving up on him. He has a new girlfriend who nobody likes. It’s really sad how he has driven everybody out of his life.

I’m glad that I put in the effort, even if we aren’t best of buds now. I proved things to myself and learned a lot too. I made lots of mistakes but I found that as long as I wanted to pursue the friendship I held some power. I was able to refuse someone’s rejection. I was able to get the resolve that I needed.

To Cut A Long Story Short - Spandau Ballet - Electric Dreams (Disc 2)


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 1st, 2004 05:15 pm (UTC)
i'm surprised that you never told Jannie what he had suggested. but then again, that would incriminate you a little i suppose so i can see why you might not. they ended up getting divorced anyway so i guess it wouldn't accomplish anything now if you told her. another thought is that if he had suggested something like this with you, who knows what else or who else he might have had on the side. you didn't explain why jannie and him got divorced and if it involved possible infidelity on his part. it's interesting that the final straw was him not taking the time & effort to accommodate you. the way you describe mike makes him sound very selfish and confused. we're always better off without those types of people in our lives, even if we're tempted to help them. it's hard to realize sometimes that in the end they're the only ones that can help themselves.
May. 3rd, 2004 11:27 am (UTC)
I think Jannie knew a lot about his wandering desire... but I think it would upset her if she knew I slept with him before she did. I believe he also made propositions to other people, and while I can not be sure I suspect he slept with another friend who Mike started to treat really badly. When I heard about the situation I had a pretty good idea of what had happened. This friend had always been straight, he went into a depression and started to withdraw from the group and Mike started to treat him badly, attempting to turn others against him. I didn’t find any of this out until I had asked why this friend was not at a party I was expecting to see him at. I was pretty pissed as you can imagine. If ever there was a nail in the coffin, it was here.

Mike and Jannie divorced because Mike was not supportive of Jannie when she really needed it. It had nothing to do with Mike finally coming out or cheating. Mike is now dating a girl that nobody from our old group of friend's can stand. I however have never met her.

I had just gotten tired of the one sided nature of our relationship, I had to give up, I had too many other things I was fighting with at the time. Like Jannie I needed support and friendship and when he wouldn't drive the 4 blocks, I saw how much he thought of our friendship and decided to change the value I gave it as well. I used to feel guilty but that is gone now. I haven't seen mike in almost two years. I hope the best for him, but I don't expect anything from him anymore!
May. 2nd, 2004 03:56 am (UTC)
I agree with Kaiser there, but how did you know that when he stated he wanted someone on the side [a man], how did you know that he was implying that he wanted you? What did he say when you expressed how much he put you through?
May. 3rd, 2004 12:05 pm (UTC)
I didn't write that very well. When he told me he would kill me if I told Jannie, he told me with his eyes what his intent was. He stared at me with piercing eyes and raised one eyebrow. It could have been taken as a threat but I knew it wasn’t.

I never told Mike what he put me through. This is probably the biggest mistake I made in the whole thing besides sleeping with him in the first place. This is my failing, I know. I really can’t say what the whole reason was, whether it was pride or fear. It could have been I actually thought he knew and understood, but that is truly idiotic. I should have told him, but I never did.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )