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Journey into oblivion

I don't know about everyone but sometimes I like to take a journey into Oblivion. It's healthy to do something completely self-destructive every so often to remind yourself of things. Sound insane, of course. Tonight is one of those times. It's not because of depression or angst. It's just the feeling inside of no control, of waiting for something, anything.

I've never been one to really enjoy sending myself to oblivion with drugs. Alcohol is nice but it's such a messy clean-up when it's really done properly. When I was young I would starve myself. I would get so euphoric. Every now and then I really miss it. I can't do that anymore, I would be sick for days afterwards. When I was in college I enjoyed sleep deprivation. I still do. Not on a daily basis of course. I hate working when I'm tired. But when you have nothing to do it's the best. The most fun I’ve ever had in Las Vegas was the three days I spent there without sleeping or a hotel room. Vegas is already surreal without the sleep deprivation. If ever there was a city to not sleep in its Vegas.

I can imagine the tranquility now. My eyes seem to stick open and then stick closed, wanting to stay where they are. My mind slowly drifting on a pleasant little ride from thought to thought. Emotions heightened but mellow at eh same time. Time is mine again. No need to rush, everyone is asleep. I can have time to myself.

I'm so tired of fighting with time. Time to get up, time to go to bed, to work, to have diner, to do laundry; Time to make time. When you've been up so long, time seems to warp, and become something that goes at the pace you want. A slow kiss gliding along your torso. As much as I want to send myself to oblivion tonight, to feel that kiss, I know I have things to do tomorrow. Another weekend perhaps. It's always better to start on a Friday anyway.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
ballistik
Sep. 7th, 2003 07:12 am (UTC)
at least SLEEP DEPRIVATION is your little weekend of oblivion and not DRUGS & SPEED & CRAZY UNSAFE SEX. at least that's partially healthy! yay for that. ;-)

ps get some sleep!

-b-
jeffla
Sep. 7th, 2003 10:20 am (UTC)
... and I hear Oblivion comes with some pretty great air miles, too. With enough trips you could even earn a free companion ticket! :P
roxyshocks
Sep. 7th, 2003 10:42 am (UTC)
"It's healthy to do something completely self-destructive every so often to remind yourself of things. Sound insane, of course."
Nope, not at all. It makes my co-dependent side want to rescue you, but I can relate a lil' too much.
xoxo
julie
monkeyx3
Sep. 7th, 2003 05:37 pm (UTC)
Hey sweetness!
I wouldn't do permanent harm to myself. I'm far to big of a hypochondriac for that. Maybe I just need to go out dancing. We should hang out sometime. Let me know when you are going to have another show.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )