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Sunday

Sunday, was an interesting day. I drove to Hayes Valley to meet my ex and
give him some utilities to fix his G4. It was good to catch up and hear what
was going on with all the people I used to hang out with. After a while my
old roommate Doug showed up and I didn't recognize him at all. I turned
looked at him, turned back and continued my conversation. It was a few
minutes latter when I noticed how amused he looked. I haven't seen him in
three years and his hair went from really short to down past his shoulders.
The three of us were hanging out when I got the phone call.



It was my mom, I asked her how she was doing and her response was
disturbing. "oh, alright I guess - I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."
Her voice broke. I could tell she was fighting back tears. Of course my
immediate response was, "Are you alright, What's wrong? What happened?" She
said she has gotten worse, and her chiropractor who has helped her out told
her she back was being pulled out of alignment because she was eating too
much corn and rice and needed to give them up. This is where she lost it a
began crying and I started seeing red! Let me first say I hate
chiropractors. They are not doctors. My mom has Celiac which means she can't
eat wheat, flower, or gluten. That means she can't have regular bread,
cookies, ect. She can only use one brand of Soy Sauce that doesn't use a
wheat thickener. I can't believe the chiropractor could tell her that she
would no longer be able to have her rice bread and corn tortillas. That's
all she has left. Mexican and Asian foods are staples for my mom.

I calmed her down a bit and reminded her that while the chiropractor is
helping her, he is not a doctor, he is not a nutritionist and should never
tell her what she can and can't eat. She should see a Celiac Nutritionist
who understands her diet. It calmed her down a bat but she had more to say.
They have upped her doses of Pregnizone and it's causing her to be very
emotional. She is crying lots and a lot of unresolved issues are coming to
the surface. She became upset with one of her doctors when he told her she
should look into therapy. She remembered what therapy did to her mother.

Her mother died when I was too young to remember her. Her therapist
prescribed Valium for her depression and Anorexia (I never new about the
Anorexia before). The therapist listened to her but gave her no guidance.
She became addicted to the valium and started drinking as well. Mix valium,
alcohol and not much food. Bad.

My mom didn't remember that therapy helped my brother out of his depression.
She didn't realize how many people see therapist these days. She still saw
it as something for crazy people. After a little talk I think she has a
better view of therapy and wants to see a therapist as well as apologize to
Dr who made the suggestion and got yelled at.

She told me that she is crying a lot and sometimes she knows why and
sometimes she doesn't. She is worried that dad is mad at her because of the
crying. He would leave the the room. I explained to her that dad is a fixer,
if he can't fix the problem he gets frustrated. Since he doesn't know how to
help her he feels stupid and frustrated. If he knew what to do he wouldn't
leave. I had a talk with him latter and found out this is completely what
was happening. I told him to just hold her and tell her everything will be
fine. There is nothing to fix, you just need to be there for her until she
rights her self.

We discussed more medical stuff going on but the majority of our
conversation was about her keeping a journal, seeing a therapist, seeing a
celiac nutritionist and me setting up arrangements for my brother and I to
come visit. I wish I didn't live so far away. My poor dad is under so much
stress and my mom misses her babies.

My Mom is so wonderful and sweet, I can't believe all this is happening to
her. When I was a kid if she saw a homeless person with a child she would
normally run into a nearby store and buys some candy or sweets for the
child. She lives in a 50's world and the best word to describe her is
precious. I can't stand to her her in pain. I know she will make it through
all of this. She is not one to give up. It tore my heart out to hear her
cry. It took all my might to not cry with her while I was standing on the
sidewalk at Hayes street.

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Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
roosterbear
Jul. 23rd, 2003 07:51 am (UTC)
It sounds like your mother is quite fortunate to have you. Interventions are usually not fun, but it sounds like you've just done a spectacular one. Good save.

Chiropractors are a mixed bag (kind of like therapists in that regard). Some are wonderful. This one sounds completely clueless. He should stick to what he knows (fixing back et.al. alignment) and stay the fuck out of nutritional counseling, from the sounds of it. What a fucktard.

It tore my heart out to hear her cry.

*hug* That's never easy to hear. Sounds like you held it together well, and did an exceptional job in redirecting her into useful action.

I wish there were more people like you in the world, honestly.
monkeyx3
Jul. 24th, 2003 04:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. Thank you and thanks again. You are a very good man.
walterwz
Jul. 27th, 2003 08:28 am (UTC)
A Couple of Reflections in Random Order
I believe your capacity to feel and express emotion and do this so deeply is a rare and precious gift. I believe that emotional illness comes about when people block or deny their real feelings. They refuse to feel them. As with any system in the body, when a blockage occurs and the flow is stopped illness follows. When emotions are blocked, depression and explosive anger are the natural result.

I like to consider myself to be the "Therapy Works" poster child. The real problem is finding a GOOD therapist.

The fixer mentality is really problematic. The main difficulties I see here are too many rigid expectations and attachment to outcomes. This approach is great with an engineering project. Unfortunately life can not be engineered.

But always remember, those people who have you in their lives have a pretty special blessing.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )