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I am coming very close to a decision, I wish i could write more in my journal about this, but feel I need to censor myself for now. Maybe next week I will write a freinds only post so I can clear things up myself. This week has been hell and it entirely my fault. I have fucked things up for myself and others. If/when I write about it It will be quite hard, I won't come off in a very good light. I am an oblivious self centered idiot.Next week will be better, I'm already smarter, I hope.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
desidono
Jul. 3rd, 2003 06:42 pm (UTC)
I think you're right - three years tends to be the big reassessment from my (limited) experience as well.

Ah Monkey, I feel bad for ya here. I don't know your situation, I haven't really talked much with you, but I think I have an inkling as to the depths of pain that you're feeling and truly, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

Gah, I wish I had words of comfort for you, but all I can really say is that whatever decisions you have to make, whatever you feel you need to do, I hope it proves fruitful and satisfactory with minimal pain.

I'll keep my fingers crossed. *hugs*
monkeyx3
Jul. 4th, 2003 12:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'm feeling much better today. More to come, probably on sunday.
desidono
Jul. 30th, 2003 04:15 pm (UTC)
Re:
I'll read it.

I like reading your stuff.

Lately I've been bad about that though, although I know you've written a few things as of late. I need to catch up.

So many good words, so little time.
(Deleted comment)
monkeyx3
Jul. 4th, 2003 12:26 pm (UTC)
Slept in today, the world always looks better after a extended sleep. Now that I know where Chay works I will give him a visit. Too bad I don't drink coffee.
zoltrix
Jul. 3rd, 2003 11:58 pm (UTC)
I'm not great with advice. Although if you want tips for internalizing your own little torture, I'm sure I can help with that. But it won't make you feel any better.

I'm sure things in your life will sort themselves out.
monkeyx3
Jul. 4th, 2003 12:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the laugh, I'm pretty good at internalizing things as well, but this time it not really an option. Things already seem better.
zoltrix
Jul. 4th, 2003 01:21 pm (UTC)
Re:
That's good. At least one of our lives is improving.
monkeyx3
Jul. 4th, 2003 02:12 pm (UTC)
Things will get better for you soon too. So you made a mistake, you've learned from it and are smarter for it. It hurts now but soon memories will fade with the pain and you all will move on to new things. It's time to decide if you want to let it go or work really hard to maintain the friendships. All my hope to you.
q_knox
Jul. 4th, 2003 04:53 pm (UTC)
Dont censor life. .. . .
Well I most say, dont go off and kill your self..

(inside joke).

You just have to free your self some how. . ..
roosterbear
Jul. 4th, 2003 09:37 pm (UTC)
If/when I write about it It will be quite hard, I won't come off in a very good light.

If/when you choose to share, I promise to read without judgment. I don't think there is a single person here who has never fucked up, in some manner. If there is, it's definitely not myself.

Even being able to own things enough to say "I messed up" is a lot more than many people can do, and I respect you for even doing that much.

*hug*
(Anonymous)
Jul. 6th, 2003 03:25 pm (UTC)
Two days of feeling like I'm going to throw up and counting
Hey it's Andrew from the uk you don't know me but I have been reading your journal now for a few weeks, so sorry to hear you are down I am sure what ever decision you make will be right because you made it, life sucks at the moment but it will get better trust me, hope your Sunday went well take care andrew ajrl9@hotmail.com
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )