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Last night

As I waited for Tom to get home I checked my emails and continued to install software on his new (my old) iBook. When he got home I continued to finish the install as he washed the grime of the day off. When he and I finished we moved to the couch and sat in silence for at least a minute. I looked up and down from ceiling to floor, searching for the word to begin. "Uh, you kind of dropped a bomb on me today." the conversation started out very confrontational. I tried very had to not start sentences with "You," they tend to put people on the defensive. No one likes to be told about about themselves.

Tom explained how he had had a wonderful time in London and was all relaxed and when he came back everything was the same. He gave and gave and I didn't give as much back. I did things just not as much. He started to do the math: I cook most nights, you do all the Laundry, I empty the washer, you load it. We both vacuum, feed and cleanup after the cats... it began to dawn on him we give pretty much equally.

But still I seemed to have less problems with the relationship than him. "You see it as being an eight while I see it as being a five," he said. I explained how I am able to overlook lots of things, that's how you make relationships work. If you expect anything to be perfect you will never be happy. Nothing is perfect.

Tom explained how he enjoyed being free in London. He had no responsibilities. He didn't need to worry about me... something he says he always does, "I worry about the monkey!" Tom is a bit of a caretaker and he tends to get a little wrapped up in it. I've been trying to break him of this... but it's hard to not let someone do things for you. It's hard to pass up a ride to work.

In the end I was almost in tears when he admitted, "I just said those things to lash out at you, I just said them because I knew it would hurt you; Because I was mad at you. I'm sorry you had such a bad day, I'm sorry I said those awful things to you. I'm sorry I upset you. I can't stand to see you make the booboo face."

He latter asked me if I felt better, and I do. we have a lot of things to work on, like most relationships. we need to move his five up to a bigger number. I would really like to get him into some counseling, so he can learn to deal with stress a bit better. I brought it up but he doesn't think he needs it. But I think he does. He needs to let the little things go. Like in the movie Point of no Return, "I never minded the little things. Just say it, it will make me happy if you do."

I went home thinking I was going to be looking for a new housemate today, but things went a little better then I had expected.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
thedigitalghost
May. 8th, 2003 10:53 am (UTC)
Well, I'm glad it's better than it sounded... For some strange reason, I was worried. :-) ::shrug::

I hope you two are able to work things out. Three years is a lot of time to be with someone and not try. Wow, three years. jesus_h_biscuit and I just celebrated 1 year. Until recently, it was hard to even picture myself in a three-year relationship.

D
knowyermonkey
May. 8th, 2003 08:28 pm (UTC)
was just browsing through journals and read some of yours...i too am a MONKEY!
at least my mom always said so...i'm adding you to my friends list
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )