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I get this way every year after new years, another year has gone by and I see all the things that i need to do, all the things I know I can do, if I had the time, if I had the money, if I had the courage. It's even worse when you spent the new years in a new place. I spent a lot of time thinking while I was in Germany. I thought about who I was and what I thought about myself. I like to think of myself as being this well adjusted person who is a little bit better off than most, but really, I'm not. I have not really gotten as far along in my fight against the confidence that I lost. Still a scared boy who needs someone next to me tell me, "it's ok, you can do it." I need to think on this, I need to reevaluate. I need to decide to do something.